We were good friends. We worked well together, inspite of the fact that we were very different from each other in terms of our personalities. Yet, there was a mutual respect, even an inter-dependance. Both of us were very good at what we do and highly ambitious too.
An opportunity had come our way. I left it. She took it up. As it would be expected of her, she did brilliantly well. She became everyone’s darling. I was glad. But, I expected more attention from her, whereas now she had many more complications and issues to solve. A relationship is two lives interacting with each other. If one life goes through a change, obviously the relationship will go through a change. But for me it was very tough to accept her new approach and behaviour.
There was a deluge in my mind. A deluge that began with speculation - ‘did someone say something to her?’, moved on to frustration, and even touched upon blame, envy and anger. Thoughts of betrayal rained down inside my head. I would fluctuate between attempting to understand her and feeling empathy towards her, and feeling totally negative towards her.
It took me a few months to sort things out inside my head. My parents really helped me make sense of my own emotions. They made me realise that the issue was really not her, but that I was allowing all these unnecessary negative emotions to have free rein inside my head. They helped me put myself in her skin and think about what she might be going through. They made me realise that I am free and I can choose how I want to feel, no matter what the situation might be. For this I will always be grateful to them.
I have learned to be careful not to let these emotions ‘rain’ freely in me. They cause damage to my own ability to think and act freely. They are never justified no matter what the situation out there may be.
My emotions are my responsibility.