But Papa I want you to stay with me.
Papa I want you to play with me.
I want you to sleep next to me.
You come to drop me.
As parents of two little kids we hear this all the time. They want to be one with us all the time. And we love it! We also know that it's only a matter of a few more years when the sentiments will be exactly the opposite.
I can think back to the times when I wanted to always be connected to my parents. I wanted them everywhere. In a sense I wanted to be ‘one’ with them. I never wanted the connection to break.
Even as grown ups, in close relationships we feel the urge to be one with the other, to deeply connect with the other. We want to spend all our time, share all our feelings and thoughts, go places together, cry and laugh together, even share food from the same plate, and so on. You know what I mean. It’s fun.
The human body is one. But even then every individual cell has its own membrane wall that separates it from the other cells and the surrounding plasma. The heart has walls that define its form and help it function effectively. The stomach has a wall. Blood travels within the walls of veins and tiny capillaries. Even organs like kidneys and the liver have their own boundaries.
Boundaries are necessary for the healthy functioning of things in nature. Boundaries may be porous and flexible, but they are needed nevertheless. Even clouds have a boundary. Thats what gives them shape!
Boundaries are what make me, me and you, you. And only when I am me and you are you, can you and I relate. If I am trying to be you, or possess a part of you, or change you, then I am not respecting the boundaries between you and me.
Hence I believe that healthy boundaries are what allow deep relationships to actually blossom and sustain!