Losing a relationship is like losing a limb. It creates physical and emotional pain. Why did it have to happen? What did I do wrong? Why can’t I have it back? Why are they behaving like this? I tried my best. What happened was unfair. Now my life is going to be miserable!
The brain is on overdrive. The heart is heavy. There is physical pain. You feel stuck in quicksand. Every movement, every word spoken, even every breath seems to require so much effort.
You keep flashing back to the good times and want them back. You keep replaying the words spoken, the looks exchanged, and asking “Why? Why? Why?" You keep imagining how things could have been. You keep wondering “what would have happened if only I had…" It’s a vortex of thoughts that just doesn’t let you get any respite. It steals your peace, your sleep and even your health.
It’s heady mix of thoughts, emotions, brain chemicals, binge eating and even binge watching!
Sometimes things work out again. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you are strong. Sometimes you are weak. But one thing is for sure, you just can’t make out any sense of what is happening!
Whatever the case may be, the most important thing to do is to find one's ‘centre’ once again. It’s tempting to want to play the ‘sympathy’ card, or the ‘lets compromise’ card, or sometimes the ‘I forgive you this time’ card. The worst one is ‘lets forget about what happened and move on’ card.
Playing one of these cards and ‘somehow’ reviving the relationship is like putting a bandage on a wound and going back out on the field again. It’s okay every now and then, but repeated injury to the same wound can end up in permanent damage.
I believe that like a physical wound, relationships need time, open air and self-care to heal. The wound is raw, and it’s too risky to go out on the road again. You need to take care of yourself. You need to meet people who care for you. You need to take care of the ones who love you and depend on you. You need to do things that make you feel peaceful, happy and strong. You need to remember all the things that are going well. You need to write, sing, paint or cook. You need to go out and exercise. You need to read good books and watch some TED talks that expand your mind. You need to get back in touch with your centre, your creator, your self.
Pain is a messenger. It’s telling me something I need to learn. I need to let the pain be. I need to just watch it. Not run away from it.
We need to find our centre again. That, I believe, is our first responsibility.