Letter No 27 - Flush away the crappy feelings
Published by Aditya Jhunjhunwala,
Shit stinks.
Vomit is disgusting.
Looking at mucus makes you vomit.
Everything that goes out of our body, makes us gross out. So much so, that we just don’t want to look at it.
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Dear friend,
Today's letter is drafted by my friend Ankita. I'm grateful that she has so openly shared her experience with something so important. Read on.
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I know this is not creating the most ideal visual in your mind but hear me out. I’ve been wondering there are natural processes to flush stuff out of our body that doesn’t serve us anymore. Stuff that our body doesn’t need anymore. Stuff that was once important, but now it's presence in the body is toxic.
Then, why don’t we have the same system/process/phenomena for letting things go out of our mind what doesn’t serve us anymore?
It’s been one tough month for me. I’ve been upset, annoyed and hurt. So much so that it’s taking up my headspace. So annoyed that I would work like crazy, read like a maniac and sleep like a Koala to not give myself space to react to that annoyance.
Yes. It’s important to let it flow in, breathe in and breathe out.
ALL OF THIS CAN HAPPILY REST IN A BOOK OR IN SOCIAL MEDIA POST.
Reading, listening and understanding this is one thing, implementing is another.
If there was a system, that would flush out all the sadness, hurt, pain, frustration out of our system automatically, life would be so much easier. But this system can only exist if I manage to find Aladdin's lamp and share this letter with the genie.
It’s crazy how someone, something can spark up so many unpleasant emotions in us. There’s an obvious way to deal with it - to forgive. That's what is told to us everywhere - self help books, spiritual tomes, and counsellors and mentors tell us to learn to forgive.
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The trouble is how, and what exactly does one forgive?
Should I forgive the unexpected turn of events?
Or, should I forgive the way they treated you?
Or, should I forgive what they said?
Or, should I forgive how they said it?
Or, should I forgive how they behaved afterwards?
Or, should I forgive the situation in which it all happened?
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Somethings are easy to justify logically, e.g. you spoke to me rudely, and later I find out that you had a really crappy morning. Logically I can understand, and maybe even forgive you.
Adding logic to the situation, helps us strike out some blocks that can be easily forgiven + forgotten. But yet some big emotional blocks remain. They continue to hurt.
For example, the words you said to me and the sandpaper-y tone in which you said it to me, are hard to forgive/forget. How could you even think that way towards me? And worse, after it all happened, how could you just move on and continue to behave as though nothing happened.
This is not logical. It's emotional. It hurts. It crushes me.
Logically or intellectually forgiving is relatively easy. But it's still not real forgiveness.
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A friend told me "forgiveness is letting go"
"Yep, I’ve read that on Pinterest"
I thought and rolled my eyes."
So tell me, how to let go?" I asked
He held my hand and said " when you hold on to something, it feels comfortable, it feels good to be attached. But maybe after a while, it’ll become sweaty and uncomfortable and one of us would want to draw back our hand. If I just take it back with a jerk - you’d wonder why I did that, you wouldn’t like the feeling. Because it was uncomfortable, because it felt like I want to get detached immediately. But if I did the same thing gracefully. If I just drew back my hand, with a smile and let your hand go gently - you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, you’ll feel good instead."
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It is quite simple :)
I’ll give you a moment to think about things you would want to let go, places, people, situations, that have caused a turbulence in you.
Now, imagine that you are learning to driving a car (I’ve just started learning).
As a beginner driver, one of the first hurdles to cross is to be able to release your foot from the clutch without killing someone or crashing the car. Do it too quickly and either your car will jerk forward like a leaping cheetah, or you will end up killing the engine instantly. Then you have to restart and do the same thing all over again.
So you release the clutch slowly, and then carefully accelerate the car.
I guess that is what letting go is about and so is forgiveness - slowly and carefully.
You understand there is no making a hard stop, or leaving the topic altogether, you just have to accept, understand and let it go, one feeling at a time.
Life is not always going to give me exactly what I want. I have to accept, smile, and gently let go. Slowly, I have to move on.
I’m trying this, hope this helps you too.
Meanwhile, I’m just going to wait for my golden moment to finally find Aladdin’s lamp, till then we just gotta do what we gotta do.
P.S Forgive others, but please forgive yourself too.--------
Ok, this is me Adi again. Wasn't that so simple and relatable. Take it slow. Let go and forgive, but no need to expect it to happen overnight. Ease yourself out. Allow time to heal. And keep doing what you gotta do.
Forgiveness happens automatically. Just don't keep repeating to yourself stories of how you have been wrong. Let those stories go. Forgiveness will come.
I hope this one has calmed your nerves a little and given you some food for thought next time you feel wronged. It certainly did that for me.
If you have a topic you'd like to me to write on, or if you'd like to write something together with me, let me know and lets explore :-)
In friendship and with gratitude,
adi