I have so many beautiful people in my life. I am deeply grateful for each one of them.
But, when it comes to how much time and energy I can give, it is impossible for me to distribute it equally. Sometimes it makes me feel sad and unjust. Sometimes it makes me feel like withdrawing myself completely and sometimes I overextend myself.
Who should I be open & vulnerable with?
Who should I give my time and energy to?
Who should I learn from?
Who should I team?
These are very important questions. Clarity about who and where I invest my time and emotions determines who I become.
I believe that there are two things that we need to be aware of -
- How people make me feel and how they affect my energy, and
- The direction of knowledge / experience flow between us
There are some people who always make one feel good. Even if they are doing a lot more than you, you don't feel 'not good enough'. If when they point out your shortcomings, you they leaving You feel charged with energy to learn more and grow. You feel 'I can do it'. These people fill you up with self-belief.
With some others, you will end up comparing yourself and feeling not good enough. Even if they are doing less than you in some sphere of life, you feel 'poked' in a way that makes you feel drained and unappreciated. These people fill you with self-doubt and leave you restless.
Mentally run through your list of friends and see if you can group them into sources and sinks. It may seem like a mildly cruel exercise. The drainers are not necessarily bad people. For some reason, at that point of time, in that situation, for you, maybe they drain your energy and leave you feeling lesser. Definitely don’t go tell them… ‘Hey you know what… you are a drainer.’ Won’t be fun. But, also no need to go spending time and hanging out with them just before doing something crucial, like an exam or an important meeting!
4 types of people
There are two types of sinks:
SEEDS - People who drain your energy AND you are doing more than them (in some aspect of life)
Point them in the right direction. Protect yourself from from being disturbed and distracted by them. Give what you can and know that like all of us, they are growing and evolving. Bless them, help them as much as possible without engaging too much.
LIGHTHOUSES - People who drain your energy AND they are doing more than you (in some aspect of life)
These people have a lot to teach and inspire. It's just that their style or approach may not work for you. Learn from them from a distance, ask good questions when you have the chance, meet them and ask them good questions.
Also, there are the two types of sources:
CLAY - People who are a source of energy AND you are doing more than them (in some aspect of life)
Mentor them. Shape them. Teach them. Give them your time, attention and love. Of course ensure that they are hungry and interested in growing and and being mentored by you. Find out what they really need, and if you and provide it, these relationships are an opportunity for your own self development towards leadership and unconditional love.
DIAMONDS - People who are a source of energy AND they are doing more than you (in some aspect of life)
These are a rare species, and if you have a few such people in your life, please hold on to them dearly. Invest your time, your patience, your trust and your sincerity in those relationships. They may be friends, relatives, colleagues, teachers or bosses. Mentally make them your mentor and your go-to person. Allow them to give you feedback. From time to time allow them to bust your ego in their gentlest of manners. If they truly love you, they will bust your ego every once in a while. But they will also soothe your wound and help you move to the next level quickly.
Above all, try to always act out of love, not out of fear.
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