We are so intrigued by the idea of going to the Himalayas, going on a long road trip, in a forest, no network, no connectivity, no people no disturbance - to find ourself. To be by ourself, to understand ourself.
Can you recall a memory from your childhood, when you found something unexpectedly. My friend Ankita shared one of her childhood memories with me recently. Her house was being constructed and in the compound there lay a pile of sand that she’d love playing in everyday after school. She would go back in her room with the treasure she found while jumping up and down in the pile of sand. Some days, it would be colourful stones, some days it would be shells - small and big and then one day she found something that blew away her mind. She found glittery, shiny mica pieces. She went back in her rooms thinking she found a different version of diamond, like the one her mom wore.
Of course, in sometime she came to know it wasn’t diamond after all. It was just mica - Micas are a group of silicate minerals whose outstanding physical characteristic is that individual mica crystals can easily be split into extremely thin elastic plates...
She found something she didn’t know she would end up being so fascinated with, then she found out that it wasn’t really that unique…what is interesting is she still finds them fascinating. The way she looked at mica hasn’t changed from excitement to "feeling stupid about her discovery", rather now when she looks at it, she can’t help smiling thinking about the memory attached to it.
The journey of finding yourself is also something similar. If you think of who you were growing up, then who you were in your teenage years, early adulthood and now where you are…you’ll find so much about yourself just by looking back and just by observing who you are in the present.
All you need to find about yourself, you already know🙂
By all means, go wherever you want to. Go and revisit yourself. But don’t plan to travel or go away only in the hope that you will find yourself. That’s what I was referring to in the start of the letter.
I too have this feeling of going away somewhere, alone and just be. I know i won’t find something new about me, unless i do something i have never done before. But I also know for a fact, I will come back having found a part of me once again. Something that had disappeared over time.
That is what happens no? You create something, and someday you can’t find it anymore. It’s got lost somewhere, in one of your drawers, in one of the books you’ve hidden away…
You can’t find what does not exist. Whatever has been ever created, can surely be lost. And, whatever has been lost, can be found!
Hence, the more important thing than losing / finding, is creating.
What I mean to say is, don’t spend too much time finding yourself, spend enough time creating yourself.
As you go about creating yourself, you will discover parts of you you didn’t even know existed, your likes, dislikes, talents, all will come into action when you start doing instead of pondering.
And if you do decide to go away somewhere for a while, create something during this time. A painting, a nest with twigs, cook something - create anything simple. Create a simple memory, and who knows this memory will help you find some part of you sometime in future again.
Finding yourself is not a game of hide and seek. It’s constantly happening. Just keep creating.
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