We were on a long drive. She had compiled a playlist of my favourite songs from years gone by. We were in great spirits. We have gone through so many ups and downs. We love being with each other. We felt we have made it to ‘relationship heaven’! We even discussed the idea of conducting a workshop for young couples!
Fast forward 3 days. We had stopped talking to each other, stopped wanted to touch each other, and obviously stopped laughing. We were experiencing such a deep disconnect after many years.
The why and what is not important. Relationships are living things. They are breathing and growing. They are dynamic. Relationships need to be constantly nurtured. And they can fall sick, become weak, or even drop dead any time. It’s scary, I know. But that’s also what makes relationships fun. You can never take a relationship for granted.
Of course, we sorted things out. One of our great strengths is that we talk. We communicate like crazy. We drill down to the depths and look at things with a microscope. And then we zoom out and look at things with a wide angle lens.
In the process, we identified some amazing relationship milestones we have crossed.
Families. After 3 or 4 fours of struggle, we reached a point when we stopped pushing each other to spend time with our respective families. We developed an innate trust in each others good intentions.
Social life. After almost a decade, we agreed on what kind of social life we would like to have. How many friends, how much time and and how often.
Intimacy. In the last few years, suddenly something has shifted in our physical relationship and there is almost a deep spiritual aspect that has emerged.
Money. Most recently, we have talked a lot about what money means to us and what we would do with it. This has brought a huge amount of clarity and peace in both of us.
Four big milestones. Each one brought about a tectonic shift in our relationship. I can see them clearly in retrospect. Each happened after a lot of struggle, but also many many conversations. The truth is also that each of these milestones were also ‘breaking points’, had we not been able to handle them.
Looking at these milestones, makes me understand what relationships are truly all about. They are a mirror unto ourselves. They are there for me to know myself better.
Looking at these milestones also gives me huge strength. I am looking forward to milestone 5 and beyond.