On insecurity
Published by Aditya Jhunjhunwala,
Suddenly, my friend has a new friend. For years, I was the one who made her laugh. I was the one she loved to hang out with. But now, there is someone else. They seem to be spending so much time. We still have our connection, but now I have to share her with someone else!
Suddenly, I’m losing my hold. All this time I have enjoyed success. People look up to me and respect me. They come to me to seek answers. But now, I find that I’m not the only one. There is someone else they look up to. Im not the only one!
I took some big leaps. I took on a challenge. When we make it, we would have created history. It was exciting to take the plunge. But now I am in mid-air. Some things worked, and some things are still uncertain. Everyday is a new surprise. I am like a ship sailing in choppy waters. Can I handle it? Did I make a mistake? Will I lose all my credibility?
Things happen that make me feel insecure about myself. Insecurity is nothing but a deep fear of losing what I have - my friend, my status, my peace, my identity.
I start blaming. I become incoherent and unpredictable. I complain. I seek excuses. I feel hurt. I withdraw, or I want to hurt back.
How to deal with insecurity?
Here is what has worked for me. Close your eyes, and wait. Watch. Watch the fear. It is like a tiger inside standing right in front of you. It stares at you. It’s ready to pounce. You want to run.
Normally what we do is this. We distract ourself. We watch TV, we think, we keep playing the situation again and again in our head - we overthink. In an effort to run from the tiger we watch more netflix, we hang out with friends, we eat, maybe we go for a run, we keep yourself busy, etc.
Here is the trick. Stop running from the tiger. Close your eyes and look into the it’s eyes. What’s the worst that will happen? Let the worst play out in your head. You will lose your friend? You will lost everything you have? You will be humiliated? Play it out. Let the tiger devour you. Don't move. Don't run. Watch. Die.
The tiger devours you. Or rather, it devours your ego!
Accept the new order of things. Face the reality. See the changes are in the making. Trust that these changes are exactly you need right now. Stop resistance.
And you know what, it’s a very liberating feeling. Try it. Allow the tiger to destroy your ego. Focus on the emotions that stir within you, not the intellectual analysis. Sit with your eyes closed. Let the process take its time. Face the fear. It will pain, almost physically. But stay with it. Don't give up.
If you wait long enough, something amazing will happen. You will begin to feel very very light. The fear will transform into a new energy that will begin to rise within you. The stuff that was making you insecure, will transform into something new. It will become a force that will motivate and drive you to become better. It will fill you with a sense of peace, but also a feeling of hunger - a brilliant combination.
My ego was stopping me from dropping old ideas and changing. It was stopping me from learning new ways of communicating relating with my friend, new ways of running my business, or even new ways of managing my time, handling my emotions or preparing myself for the future. My ego was stopping me from being myself, from living in the moment, and even from giving my love freely to my loved ones. Yes, my ego was my enemy and was breeding insecurity within me.
And now, the tiger has eaten it away! I am free now! I am free to learn, improve, and become a better person.
Until of course, one day my ego once again grows enough to stop me from learning and changing, and the tiger is once again starting into my face!