Letter No 12 - High-trust relationships

Hi there,

I met my wife Aarti at a discotheque. I was 23 and she was 19. The entire evening I stole glances at her dancing on the floor. Urged my a very good friend who knows me well, I finally went up to her and asker her if she would be willing to dance together. Really, whatever impression you may have of me, I want you to know that was not something that I did back then. Now, of course, it's a different matter.

I did one more uncharacteristic thing that night - I asked her for her number. Nervously I grabbed a tissue paper and a pen and handed it to her to write her phone number. Woahhhhh. It's another matter that she didn't give me her number. She smartly asked me to take it from my sister as they knew each other. I felt like like I had conquered half the earth.

The other half was still to be conquered.

It so happened that I didn't end up calling her for another two weeks after that. Later, after many years, she revealed to me that she had eagerly waited for my call. I had not called only because I was busy mustering up the courage to dial her number. She tells me that I had made her wait, and that made her want me more.

Don't be too keen, let them wait for you.
Don't give too easily, they will lose their value for you.
Don't be too vulnerable, they will exploit you.

I've heard these social rules all my life. And sure, they make sense. They are important when it comes to most people.

But not in a handful of special relationships!


In a few close relationships, I don't want to play games. I don't want to make you want me. I don't want to hold my cards close to my chest. I don't want to hold myself back from giving all the love I feel like giving. And, I don't want to not ask freely what I need or want.

I a few high-trust relationships I want to just be myself and let the other person be themselves. We must both fly free, soar high, swoop low, fly together or apart, as our hearts desire.

Invest yourself in a few such friendships. They are worth it.


My wife and I are blessed and have worked hard to build a high-trust relationship. And we still have to keep working on it. It's not always smooth sailing. There are storms and tsunamis. There are times we feel lost. But we always remind ourselves of the clarity and purity of our intent. We remind ourselves of what we want from the relationship - for each other and for ourselves.

We want to enjoy every moment life has to offer.
We want to be there for each other.
We want to learn and grow.
We want to dance and play.
We want to share food and stories and love.
We want to be challenged meaningfully.
We want to understand ourselves deeper.
We want to find peace.

I am deeply grateful.

I am blessed that I enjoy a few such high-trust relationships in my life. My parents, my sister, a couple of old friends, and a few beautiful friends I found in recent years.

I love them dearly. They make me strong. They help my heart open and trust and grow. They also create some pain. But pain is good when my purpose is clear - to love and to grow. I don't need to protect myself too much. The universe is protecting me.

I want to be open.


And along with this, it is also important to become strong and wise and successful. In fact, I believe it is each of our duty to be good + strong people.

Only strong people can feel secure. Only secure people can truly love. Only love is real.

Whatever you do, whatever your interests and strengths are, whatever your resources and support systems are, here are a few ideas that will help you find the clarity you need to be strong and loving.

Increase your self-discipline.
Strength is all about discipline. Discipline is nothing but your ability to say no to the thoughts that you believe are not useful in your life right now, and yes to the ones that are.

Calculate risk.
Don't just keep worrying. Make a list of things that go wrong. Figure out what are the worst case scenarios. Think through them and how you will respond. And remember, there will always be a few scenarios which you just have to leave to the universe.

Be aware of your emotions.
Awareness is everything. Be watchful. Watch your emotions as physical feelings. Letter no 11 is about this.

Accept personal responsibility.
No blame. No complain. No excuses. Whatever happens to me in my life, is my responsibility. No one is coming to save me. I have to save and create myself.

Deal with stress in a healthy way.
Draw. Write. Exercise. Meditate. Walk. Play. Dance. Figure it out.

Delay gratification.
Hold off that ice-cream your badly want for a bit. Don't buy that gadget for another two days. Have it, but hold it off for a little while. Then if you still want it, do it.

Face your fears.
Face fear, it goes. Avoid fear, it grows. Fear is like those street dogs that chase your bike. They seem so ferocious. However, the moment you stop and stare and them, they stop too. They cock their head sideways and stare back at you. They were only enjoying the chase.

Ask for help.
You don't always have to know everything. You don't always have to be strong. You don always have to be sorted. Ask.

Bounce back from your mistakes.
This is a beautiful way to live. Stop beating yourself up. Bounce back.

Strive to be better today than you were yesterday.
Nothing need be said about this.


What a beautiful way to strive to live - strong + open + loving.

Have a wonderful week, my friend. Thank you for allowing me share myself with you. I love doing this.

Whenever you feel like, I would love to hear back from you.

With love and masti,