Letter No.32 - People change

I love flowers. I love looking at them, smelling them, clicking photos of them, and I love painting them.

My grandmother used to pick flowers that had fallen on the ground in the early morning and collect them for her puja. Now I see the beauty in that.

A flower is actually a fruit in the making. And a fruit is actually a seed in the making. And a seed is actually another plant in the making. And so on.

When we pluck a flower, we halt this process. We attempt to capture its beauty and preserve it for us to enjoy. That's sweet, but the fact is that within a few days they will wither away. The brightness and the fragrance will turn into limpid dullness and stench. We will have to throw them away and get new (or rather, newly plucked) flowers.


Everything in nature is constantly changing and evolving. Even the hills, mountains and rocks. They change! It's just that the time frame over which they change is longer.

The nature and beauty of life is in change.

So why do we expect people to remain the same?

Why do we expect ourselves to remain the same?


When we find something beautiful - a flower, a relationship, a house, a feeling - we want to 'pluck' it and preserve it. We want it to never change. We want to keep it for ourselves so we can enjoy it again and again whenever we want.

We even want to preserve ourselves. We keep on telling ourselves - 'I'm like this only', 'I don't like reading', 'I can't handle when this happens', 'I can never do this', etc. We like to box ourselves in and define ourselves as people who like this, or don't like that. We do this before we don't want to deal with the discomfort of change. We want to keep ourselves safe by limiting ourselves to only those experiences that seem to fit our definition. We like to 'pluck' ourselves and stay with just the version of ourselves that we think we like. Any change from that is painful.

But little do we realise that plucking something is killing it. Plucking ends change. Stopping change is the end of life. In the process of preserving the thing we found beautiful, we end up destroying it!


So, don't try to preserve what you love. Don't try to stop them from changing. Don't sulk with them. Don't do emotional blackmail. Don't try to re-live the past.

Only pickles should be preserved. Hehe. I love pickles and I love the process of pickling. But hey, you don't try to pickle people and relationships!

Become a part of their process of change.

Bless them and send them good vibes.

Be curious to understand and enjoy the change.

Talk to them about the change, but welcome whatever is happening.

Look into yourself and see how you yourself are changing. Trust me, you are.

If the change means they don't want you as much any more, cry it out. But let it be. Don't try to force them into being a different way. You cannot.

If the change means you don't like something about them, let them know. But accept. All you can do is let them know. Work on yourself to accept or move on. There is really nothing else you can do. Trying to force them to change their behaviour is going to end in same way as plucked flowers do.

Most importantly let change happen to you. Don't stop your own growth.

None of this is easy. It will hurt. You will be restless. You will feel desperate even. But there is no other way. If you wish to truly experience freedom, joy and love, there is no other way.

If you love something, let it go. Let it fly. May be one day it will come back and perch on your shoulders and chirp in your ears. Maybe it wont. But you don't squeeze it. You let it fly.


Change is beautiful.

In the beginning it may be painful, but if you allow yourself to flow with it, it will open up your heart. It will open up new learnings, joy and love. It will.

Sending you lots of love, energy and positive vibes.